| Happy Birthday Robot! |
[Feb. 3rd, 2010|09:07 pm] |
Happy Birthday Robot. I was once young too, but selfish, and made mistakes. I kept my buttons and my wife at home. Soon she grew lonely and sold them. I hated her for it and plotted her demise. I quickly hired an assassin and took a buttonless vacation.
Unfortunately the assassin ran away with my wife. Jealousy seized my heart and I stalked them both. One day, perching on a tree, it came. The signal that they had been captured. Thanks to you, Robot, my buttons were returned. You followed their every buttony movement and hid waiting.
When I realized my buttons were safe, I forgave her. But it was too late.
Without the access to my buttons, Rosy had gone insane. She had slayed the assassin in his sleep. If only I had given her her own buttons... She might not be in jail now, struggling with simple computations.
Caring is sharing, Robot, love is the only thing keeping us apart. We've been dating a year, Robot, yet her demise traps me. I have a plan to free her, but I need your help. Once she is free you and I can be together. I'll never be young again, but I can be yours. We're busting her out tonight, after your birthday party.
If you need me, you'll come. |
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| too much honesty |
[Dec. 28th, 2009|05:06 pm] |
(I wrote this after waking up today, it's been sitting waiting to be posted since then... I probably wouldn't phrase everything this way now when stuff doesn't feel as raw, but I don't really want to edit that out either...)
I'm sorry if I look too sad sometimes, and I'm depressing and not fun to be around.
I'm trying to be polite and friendly and not talk about things in random social situations that would be too uncomfortable.
I'm sorry if I look too happy sometimes, and it seems like I'm moving on too quickly.
Part of the the above trying to cope may tend towards manic energy, or extreme focus in another direction.
My heart is still breaking.
There's still many unclear and confusing things happening.
It still feels like I'm on a roller coaster at times,
picked up then dropped and not knowing what's up ahead.
My moods still fluctuate greatly.
I'm trying to be cool, function, participate in my life where there's obligations or potential joy.
I'm sorry if I fail at that sometimes. I'm trying to do the best I can.
It sucks to be gossiped about or judged or made fun of.
If somebody wants to honestly talk or ask questions, I'm happy to be straight and truthful.
I'm a human with my own perspective and real emotions and a lot of hurt right now.
I'm sorry if this sounds too bitter.
I'm sorry I'm not more eloquent, or tactful.
I'm sorry if this is inappropriate to write on the internets.
That all said, most people are extremely supportive and awesome.
I know you're there.
I appreciate that a lot.
Thank you for continuing to be great friends.
Okay.
Now back to all that coping and trying to just be cool.
We can pretend this post doesn't exist.
I'll still be polite and friendly in person. |
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| ode to improv |
[Nov. 8th, 2009|02:06 am] |
I feel like I've been coasting some in my improv lately. These next two months I'm involved in five recurring shows, and a "master" class with the goal of another group, all different in their own ways. They are all wonderful projects, and I am so very grateful and feel extremely lucky to be involved in them, let me say that upfront.
But personally I'm feeling stagnant and unfulfilled. Some of the shows are very limited by structure, or by feeling like a small fish in a large sea with undefined but present restrictions, or content limitations.
I watched GGG tonight and I so wanted to be on stage with them. I thought about how close I had come to the opportunity of being part of them and my heart ached again. They were being playful and strong and all balls out and super fucking supportive of eachother both musically and with their improv choices.
I want to do something completely eccentric right now. I want to follow all of my sometimes crazy instincts. As bold as a superhero while be listened to and built upon. As perceptive as a ninja absorbing my fellow players and helping bring us all to new heights of creative magic. I want to let go of format and goals and ideas that aren't created until the moment they are happening and inspiring everybody in the room.
I feel like I'm currently following some prescribed path, slower than some, stronger than some, in the middle, at status quo, striving simply for what I see around me that looks like a good place to be. But I crave so much more right now.
I want to break free.
I know I can and it would be wonderful.
I have no idea how to start, other than pouring all of this out in words. |
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| NaBloPoMo - Nov 1 |
[Nov. 2nd, 2009|12:36 pm] |
http://www.nablopomo.com/
Technically, already failed, since I didn't post yesterday. But man, so much happens that just slips by (like months ending) that I wanted to attempt to get the consistent record thing happening with this challenge as a pretty way to tie a bow around it.
So I'll just talk about yesterday then. Sunday. Day after Halloween.
( Clickly LJ link break ) |
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| dickens dream |
[Oct. 14th, 2009|09:35 am] |
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Last night I had a dream about performing in a Dickens show. It ended up turning into a musical, with a live DJ organizing background music for us. In the show everyone was pretty sick and dying for awhile, then they got this magical kind of cure. The last song was a couple of calm and sweet verses about people happy about their new lives, until a rocking chorus where it was discovered it wasn't a real cure (the main word in the chorus was "temporary") and they would all die anyway. |
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| improv these days |
[Oct. 5th, 2009|05:02 pm] |
Livejournal post... ok...
Since improv is most of my non-work life, here's what I'm doing these days.
Firth&Arjet - We've created a new "Always a Bridesmaid..." format and debuted it in August. It's a format where we both play Bridesmaids, from different weddings, that know eachother from their pasts and happen to meet at a bar during the receptions or whatever. So we chat some at the bar, and occasionally jump into scenes. It's already been accepted to a festival, we're taking it to New Orleans in a week and a half. (Which also happens to be my birthday!) Our first couple of shows were really audience-interactivey, but we did it less in our last show, so we're still figuring out what we want that balance to be. And we're working on more ideas that expand on the Bridesmaids thing.
The Love Notes - We've done just a couple shows now, still getting our new troupe feet steady. We've got an upcoming run of shows opening the Saturday Night Specials at SVT in November. We're working on a new format for that, and we're all pretty excited about it. During our last rehearsal where we put some of the new format on its feet, I think we were at our most playful while also working together to create something awesome that I've seen us. So I'm expecting more and more great things to emerge from that group.
Improvised Dickens - I'm a part of this Hideout mainstage show for Nov/Dec. We've had a couple of rehearsals so far. I just started reading/watching Dickens when first preparing for the show audition, and I'm really enjoying a lot of it. The cast is full of experienced and talented folks. I'm going to enjoy doing more narrative work with some of the great storytellers in the group. I'm not that great at accents, so I really want to get to a point where I'm more comfortable with that. I might invest in some kind of audio learning because reading about the accent and dialect stuff doesn't seem to work as well for me. I'm also a little lost about assembling a costume, both for this and for...
The Plagiarists - A new show Asaf is creating that is headlining the Threefers in November and December. It's going to involve different people working in the style of different playwrights, and I'm doing Chekhov. Doing a lot of reading and watching for this show as well. I am by far the least experienced improviser in the cast, but that is where they say you want to be. I do think my tendency to do strong realistic and theatrical stuff puts me in a good position though, and is really why I'm in the cast in the first place.
Flying Theater Machine - The kids show that Jessica runs is in the middle of the Wonderland run. This run is a little less format heavy than previous ones, so it's interesting to see it grow. In the last show I unexpectedly ended up playing a "tiny voice" (mini unseen character the hero interacted with, with me on a mic offstage) for the whole second half of the show. It was a surprise to me and the other players that it happened that way, but it seemed to work, and I enjoyed doing it. Kids are a different sort of audience, but a tiny standing ovation from the folks in the front row, and a little girl hug at the end of the show are things that make it really nice to be a part of.
So there's a lot of forward movement in my improv world. A lot of working on new things, genre study, rehearsing, and performing in the last quarter of this year. I've got a todo list that just keeps growing, but that's better than being bored or idle... |
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| one more |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|02:26 pm] |
Because I'm a trained improviser and three is a magic number. A quote I saved found in "stuff.txt"
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
- Kurt Vonnegut |
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| and more |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|02:21 pm] |
Also found this. Priceless. "7-4-07 late night music list.txt"
impromptu independence day game night, followed by late night food and lounging about listening to melodramatic broken-hearted soft rocky stuff
Cold Play - Don't Panic
Gary Jules - Mad World
James Taylor - Fire and Rain
Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter
Weezer - Butterfly
Counting Crows - The Ghost In You
The Decemberists - Of Angels And Angles
Our Lady Peace - 4am
Aqueduct - The Suggestion Box
Matthew Good Band - Apparitions
Pear Jam - Better Man
The Cure - Just Like Heaven
Something Corporate - Konstantine
U2 - Where the streets have no name
Colin Hay - I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You
Cranberries - Linger
Dave Matthews Band - The Stone
Dido - Thank You
Enya - The Memory of Trees
Garbage - #1 Crush
Pink Floyd - Mother
The Tea Party - Psychopomp |
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| some old writing |
[Jul. 14th, 2009|02:18 pm] |
Looks like I wrote this in May 2007. Found in a document simply called "writing.txt".
still figuring out what this life is going to be
just trying to keep content until I get there
and not burn too many bridges along the way
keeping doors open
save save
greencard |
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| New York Eris Day 2009 |
[May. 24th, 2009|05:39 pm] |
Lost a water bottle.
Found a hat.
"Elite" hidden hotdog place.
Acquired a menu.
Irish breakfast.
Found treasure.
Rock band.
Roofs.
Extra roofs.
Water tower.
Elevator control room.
Dropped screws from a height with a satisfying clunk.
Delicious pizza.
Wooden pier past barrier.
Cigars.
Huge, scary spider in my cleavage.
Open doorhole led to unreachable art.
Talked to an Egyptian.
Chaos cake.
Dude doing a Rubick's cube in each hand, successfully and fast and not for show.
Staten island ferry.
Talked to a cop.
Visited Central Park at night.
Private art tunnel.
Rock and raccoon.
Employee bathroom in a Duane Reade.
Sunrise.
Pigeon mating rituals.
Buying the "best" bagels.
Ending up in the Bronx instead of Harlem. |
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| it took less than 30 days |
[Apr. 20th, 2009|08:58 pm] |
After taking new meds early last week, my strange and pervasive stomach problems appear to be over.
Meanwhile, mentally and emotionally the CIF trip revived me.
I've got a new cold to deal with, probably exasperated by spending most of yesterday in the rain. Whatever, colds are a cake walk.
I'm exhausted, but great. Like sore muscles after a workout is a good pain, this is a good tired.
Changes are on the horizon.
What are they?
I have no idea.
And that's awesome. |
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| How to tell if Kristin is broken. |
[Apr. 10th, 2009|08:14 am] |
When she stops doing improv and cancels her involvement in shows. (For a weekend.)
I've been still doing as much improv as I could throughout all of this sick stuff. I've still done every performance I've been scheduled for. The whole show adrenalin thing is really awesome and usually makes not being sick an issue.
But sick stuff reached new heights yesterday morning, and it hasn't subsided. Last night I went out to watch the 3fer and ended up doing tech, and... well, as my twitter said "Left tech booth during IFE show. Got sick in downstairs bathroom. Rinsed mouth with toothpaste. Back in time to dim lights on improv cue."
So I felt awesome for making it back and hanging in there. Rockstar. Trooper. Etc.
But realistically, I probably shouldn't be on performing this weekend. Fleeing the stage is not as easy as fleeing a tech booth.
This was hard to admit and take care of. The last thing I want to do is less improv. |
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| give me 30 days |
[Apr. 8th, 2009|01:05 pm] |
Physically, emotionally, there's been a lot going on with me.
I can't make any of it instantly better. I'm waiting for test results. I'm taking new drugs. I'm doing my best to cope and not go crazy.
I'm tired of waiting for things to change, so right now my temporary goal is a month from now. In a month maybe this stomach stuff will be figured out. In a month the drugs should have built up and be having an affect. CIF will have come and gone. There will be two less wisdom teeth in my mouth. I'll have a month's worth of perspective and living and maybe a little more wisdom. In a month it'll be the day of my LAFF show.
So for now, moment to moment to moment.
I'll look at the whole forest again in a month. |
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| awesome |
[Feb. 19th, 2009|11:55 am] |
I say that I save about "half my salary", you know, for the future.
In reality though, the monthly amount fluctuates with occasional big purchases, loss of rent, tax refunds, stuff like that, and I thought it was actually maybe closer to 40%. But I cleaned up some of my budgeting categories from 2008 and took a look at the auto generated chart, and in the end it was awesomely:
The next big chunk is mortgage, then household bills, then it gets more random.
So yay! All this budgeting, number crunching, and paying attention to my spending really does work. |
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| allergies |
[Jan. 25th, 2009|07:12 pm] |
I haven't really had bad allergies before. After a couple years in Austin there was one season where I had a few sporadic days of allergy suffering. I took some meds that worked pretty well, but made me tired and missed a couple days of work, and that was about it.
Then this last Thursday night / Friday morning, blam. I feel like I've been run over by a semi. I'm exhausted, stuffy, headachy, tired, queasy, and in general just want to curl up in a ball and be hugged until it's all over. (I just noticed I managed to include both "exhausted" and "tired" in that last sentence. Going to leave it that way.) I guess cedar has been exceptionally high. I've taken some off-brand claritin, some benadryl, they aren't helping a whole lot.
There's at least a few people I know who have pretty consistent allergies and the last few days have made me full of awe (awe-full? but not awful?) in how they cope with this on a regular basis.
I hope I am not forever weakened to cedar. It has now joined ranks with cilantro in my own special "evil" list.
Brought to you from the tech booth at SVT. Cochise is going to start at 8. |
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| bouldin creek |
[Jan. 15th, 2009|10:24 pm] |
My crunched-out stomach doesn't really feel like eating, but I'm attempting to convince it that a bowl of granola sunrise isn't that scary and will be really good for me.
On the way over here I was thinking about the myriad of experiences I've had at Bouldin Creek.
Before I moved to New York I think I had only been here once with Roy. It had been while he was in his heavy writing phase, waking up at 6:30 in the morning or something ridiculous like that to drag himself to the coffee shop to write with Owen and other folks. I remember being confused by the menu on that first visit.
It was the first place I had a meal when I moved back to Austin, with friends Kristina and Danny. It was chosen partly because I was a vegetarian then. I loved the big huge menu full of stuff I could eat. And I was thrilled that it was pretty close to my new apartment.
In the last 27 months I've been here more times than I can count. Lunch and a conversation about romantic events that "shouldn't" have happened. Casual date meet ups. Many, many heart to hearts with my closest friends. Tear-filled arguments on the way to parking. Artist's Way meetings. An extremely hot late night make out session that got interrupted by a garbage truck. "Working" from home. Playing board games. Reading and writing at perspective-changing times. Meeting with my real estate agent.
I'm happy this place is here.
I'm happy for this life, and these memories, all of them.
I would like to get to a point where I can regularly feel the same peace with moments as I'm living them. |
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| bggcon |
[Nov. 24th, 2008|05:53 pm] |
I just spent four days at a board game conference. Started playing games on Wednesday evening and until Saturday night at about 2am did nothing other than sleep, eat, and play games. Played 22 different games in total, only four that I had ever played before.
It was a ton of fun, really nerding out that side of myself. I haven't done regular gaming since I left for New York in 2005. I think I'll be more inspired to have slightly more frequent gaming here.
Spent a little bit too much on food that I hadn't budgeted for, but I'll be able to figure that out.
I could have happily stayed there another week, though I probably would have needed a slightly more regular eating/sleeping schedule to survive.
Yay for board games!
Also I have a new project. Similar to how I made "Settlers of Dinosaur Moonpark", I'm going to make a copy of "Antler Island". Probably also with T-Rexes. "Tooth Island"? |
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| some creative updates |
[Nov. 11th, 2008|11:16 am] |
on another note...
drawing/painting
Finished the Art Start I and II classes. We did some drawing, collage, painting. Right now I like painting the best. In the new semester I think I'll try to get a basic painting-focused class in. Maybe Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain if they offer that at a compatible time too. There's also this weekend class that interests me in Victoria.
improv
Firth & Arjet has been alternating weeks of hanging out with weeks of rehearsals with Asaf. We got into a good spot at last rehearsal and have this very theatrical, almost narrative but from a really strong character perspective show that we're developing. It still needs to be ironed out a little more, but Asaf said "I want people to see this" and that he "gets" this combination of me and Jessica now.
New troupe with Korey, Luke, and Topping had our delayed (due to sickness) first meeting finally last week. We've got some serious musical backgrounds, so we're working on incorporating that into our improv in different ways. We're going to try to vary up the kinds of formats we do and we've settled on what it will be for our first show, and it's going to be pretty fun. Looking forward to starting to workshop that in rehearsal this week. Also, we talked about starting a band.
Outside of these two troupe saplings there is other stuff that is rough, bunches of other stuff, but there's very little I can do. Look forward, keep working, keep doing what I can.
Anyway both of my new improv projects are debuting on the same night. Friday, December 26th, in the Threefer at 8pm at the Hideout. In both we're working hard on some really interesting stuff. It's probably going to be a difficult audience night, so any friends showing up would be greatly appreciated. |
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| writing |
[Nov. 2nd, 2008|11:47 am] |
man, I was considering doing NaBloPoMo again, but I already missed the first day of the month... that is not a good start
I was also considering doing NaNoWriMo, to get the backstory and history out for this book thing I'm thinking about, but I just finished a week and a half of being sick, and haven't really been preparing mentally for that.
I'm still doing Artist's Way, in the beginning of a couple of new improv projects, doing my art class which includes some at home work, so I am doing creative things and I don't need to feel guilty about not following through on this one idea...
Instead of adding a new writing project to the month, it would probably be better for me to get more physically on track. Now that I'm working from home (and no longer crazy sick) I'd like to have a better stocked fridge and cupboard and eat more at home. I'd also really like to begin some sort of regular exercise thing, either joining a gym, or starting a martial art of some sort, or getting back into yoga, still figuring that out... so November goal will be to do those things.
well, glad I figured that out... |
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